So it has been a really long time since I have sat down to write. Honestly, I have gone from crazy, to super stressed, to just being still. Recently I feel like that is what the Lord has been saying to my spirit. "Be still and know...".
Life hasn't changed much really other than the boys are another year older and I am about 20 pounds heavier than I want to be. But recently I have been all up in my feelings. I have been that emotional girl. I have been that crazy wife and I have definitely been THAT mom. And in my house full of boys, it is not easy being the emotional one. I am all alone in that department. Oh the joys of being the only lady in the house. And I use the word "lady" very cautiously.
I have heard it said that it is harder to raise a daughter and how you worry more with a girl. So let me preface what I am about to say with this. I do not have a girl and I don't know what it is like to raise one so I won't pretend to know exactly how it is with a girl. Parts of me wish Bryan and I had a little curly haired girl running around but it just wasnt God's plan. And we agreed to not keep trying to figure out God's plan. Instead we ended up with boys. We ended up with two testosterone filled, stinky, strong willed, competitive boys.
So as a boy mom I need to get my feelings out. This week has been crazy! My boy's birthdays are one day apart with 4 years in between. I have one who is on the verge of shaving and the other who just got his license. I have been completely distracted by trying to do the parent taught driving thing that I didn't even realize my 12 year old has facial hair. He needs to shave soon. But now that I see it, I am just in denial. It's baby fine, no one else notices it. Or do they?? I refuse to have any part on making the call on his first shave. I am a mom in complete denial that the baby is growing up.
But this does not compare to the driving thing. So when we signed up for the parent taught driver's course, I was all about it thinking Bryan would show him all of the ways of driving. I hate to drive. If I was rich I would have a chauffeur. Little did I know, I would be with my kid the majority of the time. I could not stomach the whole process. I panicked and yelled. We would often get in fights on the way somewhere and then have to fake a smile as we got out the meet someone. Why did I get stuck doing this? Fast forward almost a year later to his 16th birthday. I stressed all week that my paperwork wasn't in order. Then I looked at Bryan and said "He isn't ready!". Bryan said "Well if he isn't ready by now we are in trouble". I prayed the whole week and even more so the day of his test. Needless to say he passed with ease and we now have a licensed driver.
Now we start a whole other set of rules. To be honest, we are learning as we go because we have never had to set firm rules. Oh and then there is this need for me to try to control things even more because I am afraid of losing control. I know I am sounding a little crazy. Then if you have a strong willed child you know you have to tread easily. You want to maintain control without totally killing their spirit and what makes them unique.
I am confident most of the times on the way I have raised my boys but still question my mothering skills just about every day. I wasn't prepared for the feelings I would have when they go to meet a friend's or girl's parents for the first time. I get a pit in my stomach knowing there is someone looking at my son thinking they may not be good enough. And mom's of girls I can only imagine this is how you feel and no boy will ever be good enough. I so understand because I am sure this is how my parents felt. But I can promise you we are trying. I pray that my boys are respectful and act like gentlemen. I hope they hold the door open and compliment her when she looks nice. I hope you know that they have goals of their own and that we would never want them to hinder your daughter's goals. But I can't promise that they are always thinking about them as I watch them giggle like two year olds watching Sponge Bob or playing a video game with their fellow stinky friends. I can't promise that they won't ever rev their engine or make a rut in the yard or leave their trash out. Bryan and I will do our best to raise Godly young men who will one day love your girl the way Christ loves the church. This is a work in progress and consists of daily prayers.
I also never knew how much I would love my boy's friends. They are like my own. I feel like I have many sons. They will make you laugh. They will fart in your car. They will take off their shoes and you will think you have died and gone to hell. They will insult each other, laugh and get over it as to where I would be in tears. I have prayed for those boys by name. I believe in praying for the kids who surround mine. This is an important circle for you to know and pray for. Who is speaking into your kids lives? Who are they running to Whataburger with? Who is in their truck? Who let the dogs out? Just kidding on that one. Seriously though, there is something about the male bond that us girls will never truly understand.
My last thing to say is this. I want to raise strong boys who are courageous and can stand in the toughest of times. I also want them to be meek and humble. I want them to know that they first must seek God's kingdom. My boys are blessed with the best earthly father but there is no father like God. I pray they know His voice. If they know His voice then in the moments of temptation just maybe they will hear His whisper. Mom and Dad won't always be around so they have to know the voice of the Father. Though I would have loved the sweet tenderness of a girl, I am learning to embrace the valor of my boys. Don't know if I am tough enough to handle all they throw at me, but I sure am building some muscle. "The Lord is my refuge and strength..."
Love all my girl moms. And to my fellow boy moms, take cover in the battle zone.
God is raising up a great group of boys and girls!