What You See

In this day and age of social media, it is easy to get caught up in other people's lives.  I am sure many of you get caught up in it at times just like I do.  Let's be honest, we can be over consumed by it too.  Sometimes it can take its toll and you just feel like turning off the noise in your life.  But I find it concerning that many of us think that what we see on the screen is how real life is.  The truth is life is not picture perfect or like the perfect post.  There is a lot of struggle in life.  There are a lot of hard core lessons we learn behind the scenes.  So let me just share my heart here.

What you may see is me smiling in some pictures and even getting in on an occasional selfie with a friend.  But what you may not know is that there was a span of time that I didn't take pictures at all. There is a story behind my crooked smile and lazy eye.  You may not know that I walked out crying on an Olan Mills photographer that was showing us proofs of our family photos because it was still too soon and the bells palsy hadn't corrected.  There was a lot of heart break looking at pictures and it took a lot of courage to start taking them again.  You may not know that I still look at each picture and critique it.  I know when I see some of those pics it looks like I was unusually tired that day.  It is so easy to look at some one's picture and think that everything is all good.  But we don't know what the true story is behind the smile.  Sometimes it may be a great picture that reflects happiness and other times there could be pain behind the smile.  Be aware and love on people anyway.  Love on the people who have tears in their eyes and love on the ones with a smile on their face too.

What you may see is my husband and I running a good business.  But what you may not know is the amount of prayer that went into that decision.  You may not know that we had no clue what we were doing.  And you never got to see us both with our heads in our hands, sitting on the front steps of that business, crying because the bank would only loan us a little amount of money.  We made it with that little amount of money and God's help.  There is a lot of grind that happens behind the scenes.  Even when things are going well, you have days you want to quit.  There are days you want to complain to the boss and then remember you are the boss.  You don't always see the love we have for our employees and how they truly become like our own kids or how it stings a little when they leave.
Sure we love our business and thank God for giving us the abilities to run it.  We are thankful for the grit and the grace.  Cheer your friends on through their struggles and their triumphs.

What you may see are pictures of my boys doing good things and rewards they may get. You don't always get to see a mom sitting on the floor in front of a bedroom door praying late at night over her kids.  You may not get to hear my prayers but I can honestly say they are said daily and nightly.  You may not know about the nights I slept restless because I just knew something was off with one of my kids.  Sure enough, you get a phone call from one of them confirming what you prayed about.  You may compliment their manners and character and I say thank you.  You don't know the many times I corrected them when they were little and reminded them to say thank you and yes ma'am and no sir.  You may see me defend them and present a united front in public.  But you don't know that I scolded them, told them to quit acting like a jerk, and that they were wrong in a situation.
You don't always see that they hurt my feelings because they didn't say I love you back.  You don't get to hear my prayers that call the good out of my kids and that speak God's word over them.  Raising kids can be tough.  Be kind to one another mommas.

What you see is me smiling and laughing with friends.  What you don't know is that I truly do love my friends and I think I am a pretty loyal friend too.  But I have been hurt by friends and I am sure I have hurt some of them as well.  You don't see that sometimes when I am out and about I would rather be at home and that I forced myself to go.  There are times when I am at home when I wished I would have been invited to go.  What you don't see is that I may be with someone you never thought I would be hanging with.  But you may not know that I decided to forgive them and start over.  What you may not know is that there are still friendships that hurt my heart because we aren't as close as we once were.  And there are some friends that aren't in my life and that is ok.  There are some friends that you don't see in a long time but you pick up right where you left off each time you meet up.  There are some friends who are family.  They just get you.  You don't have to have tons of friends.  You just need one or two.  Hold on to your friends, carry their burdens, laugh a lot and love them big.

You may see me serving in church and doing all the "churchy" things.  But what you don't know is that I didn't serve the Lord until I was much older.  I learned about all of the bible stores by teaching PreK kids in church.  The first time I went to children's camp was as a leader and I bawled like a baby because the experience was so overwhelming.  I felt like the kids blessed me more than I did them.  You don't know that I love old hymns and never tire of them because I didn't grow up listening to them.  You don't know that Bryan and I were very blessed to become part of a church where a Pastor loved on us and took us under his wing even when we were still living together and not making good decisions.  He is one of the biggest influences in both of our lives.  Had he snubbed his nose at us we probably wouldn't be in church today.  You probably don't know that we have been hurt in church and have hurt people too.  But we both know that doing life God's way is better than anything this world can offer us.  There are no perfect churches and no perfect people.  We have learned that the hard way.  But God loves imperfect churches and imperfect people.

You may see my life as good and I can say that it is.  I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and good health and an amazing family.  Bryan and I built this life together.  We both were working part time at Sears when we met.  You may not know that when we got together I think I was making around $6.15 an hour and he was making $7.  We made it with a blue couch my mom gave us and some bachelor looking coffee tables his brother previously owned.  We lived on love for sure.  We didn't argue much but when we did we made up quickly because there was only one TV to watch.
You may not know that there are days I just don't feel good.  There are days I am super fatigued but I refuse to let lupus take me down.  You see me running and working out but there are times when the doctor tells me not to.  There are times I get frustrated because I get on a roll and then my body tells me to slow down.  I am thankful for the people who run with me and even more for the ones who will slow down and walk with me when I need to.  You don't always see the fight in me that I have for my family.  I am a lover and not a fighter but I can get down and dirty in some prayer when I need to.
Be thankful for the good in your life and learn from the hard times.  When you get knocked down, dust yourself off and put your big girl panties on and pray.

I don't expect you to know and see everything about my life.  Not everyone is interested and not everyone needs to know every detail.  My point to all of this is that what you see about other people's lives is just a small excerpt from their whole story book.  You may not want to read their whole book.  They may not even let you.  Just know that there is a whole lot more to every one's story than a picture or a post.  We don't know what everyone goes through.  Be kind.  Be gracious.  Be giving.  Be encouraging.  Be real.
We don't see the history, the fight or even the future plan.  We can see the beauty in every person's story.

Graduation 2019

Today I packed the last sack lunch for my oldest son.  Yes, I have made his lunch every day since he was in school, give or take a few sick days.  In the beginning I alternated between peanut butter jelly or a ham sandwich with mustard only.  Then came the invention of uncrustable peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and my mornings got a little easier.  There was always an oatmeal crème pie in his lunch or a cosmic brownie, followed by a two cuties or one regular sized navel orange.  Then I would pick out his chips alternating between the different kinds except the sour cream and onion ones or plain lays.  Those always get left behind.  Throw in two uncrustables and the boy was set.  There were many days when he never said a word about it, not even a thank you.  Naturally, I would get mad some days and think how unappreciative he is of me and all that poor me stuff.  Fast forward to high school and I finally got the "thank you momma" quite often.  There were days when I thought I needed to stop doing it.  Maybe he will never learn how to prepare for himself if I keep doing it.  But you know what?  I really never minded and he really does know how to do it himself.  I am very confident that he will be able to pack his own in the upcoming years and maybe, just maybe, he will think about momma when he does.

As I sit here thinking about the next few days with graduation quickly approaching all I can think about right now is that lunch.  That lunch was always made.  He could count on it as he will always be able to count on mom and dad.  Now we have to send him off soon knowing that the Lord will be there always providing even when we aren't there.  On his life journey, his experiences may be different each day just like the flavor of chips.  But he can always count on the Lord's guidance and provision just like the peanut butter and jelly in his lunch.  The Lord will provide him with all of the nutrients and essentials he needs to thrive in this world.  Luke 24:12

This young man of mine did not come with instructions.  In fact, we have had many moments of frustration, disagreements, heart ache, triumph and trials.  I look at him and I can tell you every single flaw of his.  I know what pushes his buttons.  I know when he is giving a genuine or fake smile.  I know when he is broken down.  I know he can be the biggest jerk at times.  I know he speaks before he thinks.  I know the Lord has had to humble him at times but he never forgets to promote him when he is ready.  I also know what others don't see.  I know the good things he does behind closed doors.  I know some of his big dreams and deepest prayers.  I know he is troubled by injustices.  I know that when we give him advice he may take offense at first.  But he ponders on it and usually does what we have taught him.  I know that God talks to him in his own way.  I know he is a worshipper.  I know there is a fire in his soul and a desire to make a difference in this world.  I know he isn't going to be every one's cup of tea.  That used to worry me but not so much any more.  I pray God puts the people in his path that need to be there.  I hope he learns from his biggest critics.  I hope he finds his biggest cheerleaders and holds on tight to them.

When others have asked me for parenting advice all I can say is pray.  I truly believe prayer is the key to raising kids.  There are just some things you can't take to others but you can always take them to God.  Not everyone will understand your parenting decisions.  I learned a long time ago to never say never.  My kids aren't perfect and my parenting for sure ain't perfect.  There are things you will do with your kid and for your kid that I may not understand and vice versa.  Be confident in knowing that God picked YOU for your child.  He will give YOU all the grace, all the power, all the wisdom you need to raise that child.  I hope us parents can help each other along the way.  When I have failed I pray some of you are there to open your arms with grace and cover me in prayer.  I also need some of you to tell me to get a grip and the rest of you to be ready with comfort food.

This week of graduation has literally come way too fast.  Every one said it.  Every one said not to blink.  Well I did and now it's here.  I have stressed out and pigged out.  I am broke and worn out.  You know what else?  I am excited!  I am proud.  I am humbled.  But I keep coming back to prayer.  I write sticky notes with scriptures on them that I put on my kid's doors.  Each note has a scripture that came to me at different times in their lives.  They are still there after all this time.  I thought, being boys, they would take them down at some point.  But they have each come to me and asked for me to rewrite one that lost its stick.  I find myself a lot lately going to those doors after they leave and declaring God's words over their lives.  Put those prayers on repeat!  It's all that I know to do.

So my prayer for boy today is that he always knows who he is who he belongs to.  I pray he knows that mom and dad will always be here.  I pray he knows the voice of his heavenly Father above all else.  I pray he humbles himself because lessons in humility are usually not fun.  I pray he has the confidence to go out and change the world one person at a time but never forgetting where he started.  May he always remember the ones who sowed into his life, into his mission, into his dreams.  I pray he always opens the door for a lady and gives a firm hand shake.  I pray he takes his days of working at the feed store and remembers that you have to work hard to earn that pay check.  I pray he knows how to talk to people and how to speak up.  I pray he pays for some one's meal when he can because so many have paid for his along the way.  I pray he doesn't compromise his beliefs but learns how to be more compassionate and extend grace to others.  I pray he knows how to forgive and how to move on even when it's hard to let go.  I pray he finds the people who bring out his genuine chuckle.  I pray he keeps his toilet clean and that he always jams to some Michael Jackson.  I pray that he reminisces about the days that got him his last name on the back of a letterman.  But mostly I pray that he knows his name is written in the Lamb's book of life.

To the Class of 2019- When you put on that cap and gown and smile with pride knowing you did it, be aware that your biggest fans are sitting in the stands crying.  We cry because our hearts just exploded with a flood of emotions.  We are so proud of you!  For this day, we have prayed.  Forgive us for the times we didn't get it right because when we look at you we see all that we DID do right.  Yes maybe we want to read you one more story or pack your lunch one more time or take you to practice.  But mostly we want you to know that we believe in you.  You are everything to us.  We send you out into this world with your unique talents and trust you will make your mark on this big planet.  When they call out your name to come across the stage, we will yell out "that one is mine."  But Lord I know you will be saying "I knew them first."  Jeremiah 1:5

Congrats to all of the 2019 Graduates!