Merry Christmas 2013!

It feels so good to sit down tonight and write.  That may sound a little insignificant but I feel like I have been running on a fast track with no time to slow down.  Like I have stated before, Christmas is my favorite time of year.  I love the Christmas lights, the music, the gift-giving, the smiles on kid's faces when they open their gifts, Santa, and mostly celebrating the birth of the Savior.

But man this Christmas season has me feeling like I am riding a bull and I can't seem to get a grip on the horns and am about to fall off and get stomped on in the process.  I feel like I have been playing catch up all season.  I am a planner and like Christian told me the other day, I like for things to be in order.  Part of it was because Bryan and I made some wrong turns in life and found ourselves back where we needed to be but with no time to plan.  I have found that in life sometimes those wrong decisions help you to know exactly what is right in your life, what you need to focus on, and what you need to invest in.  Nonetheless, we found ourselves thrown back into the daily grind of getting the feed store ready for the busiest time of year.  We also had our local basketball league starting up at the same time.  So all of the craziness that comes with that collided with our business and has made for some stressful days and nights.  Throw in kids and everyday life and it seems we are in the midst of a hurricane.

I always have my tree up and decorated the first weekend after Thanksgiving.  Given that we sell trees at our store, I still did not get mine up until just about a week ago.  My Christmas cards weren't done by a professional photographer like I wanted.  I went to seven stores trying to get jeans to fit my 12 year old and still haven't been able to find any to take professional pictures in.  So our pictures were done courtesy of this momma forcing my kids to put a shirt on and stand by the fireplace.  A momma who told her kids that we were getting that picture done in 10 minutes so stand up and smile.  And there you go..."picture perfect."  I am still running around on my lunches and after work picking up last minute gifts, because if I could get everyone in my life a present, I would.  I ran to four different stores yesterday trying to find one more Nerds on a rope candy because even though Bo's school paper said take 20, he said his teacher said to bring 21.  Let's just say I never found one so Bo doesn't get one.  I am tired of running but I need to get my behind back to running again.  Well, let's not even go there.

So I am out of breath typing all of this.  Maybe you feel the same way.  I told Bryan, this is the first Christmas in a long time that I felt like I haven't been able to take in the magical moments of Christmas.  But wait, there have been some great moments, some small moments that have reminded me that Christmas is everyday.  Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of a baby who would change the world by His words, His actions and His love.  What better way to reflect the Savior than to change the world just as He did one small step at a time.  So I choose to remember the great things that have happened over this crazy period of time in my life.

I am proud of a husband who recognizes his weaknesses, puts his pride to the side and admits when he has made a wrong decision.  I am proud to be the wife of a man who says he is going to fight for what is his and for what he believes God has put before him.  I am humbled by a son who is not outspoken about his good deeds but everyday when I drop him off for school, I see him opening a door for a classmate with his backpack, laptop and lunch in hand.  I smile when I see my youngest offer his hot chocolate to a little girl who wanted some but there wasn't any left.  I am confident in saying that we have prayed many prayers for some friends that are fighting for their life in a hospital room right now.  I am thankful for great workers and the loyal customers who support our business and have made this a great Christmas season at the feed store. It was great to see three of my neighbors who don't even have little kids at home anymore come see my boy play basketball. I love having friends who go above and beyond to help make Christmas wishes come true.  I was completely in awe getting to witness the woman who took care of my kids for four years get a new home, fully furnished by her wonderful kids.  Her tears of joy made my heart smile!

I write all of this to say that Christmas is so much more than the pretty bows and the perfect card.  It is the special moments that are packaged so genuinely that when opened they create happy hearts.  We were given the best gift of all.  We were given the answer to our hustle and bustle.  We were given the answer to this crazy thing called life.  Jesus came to give us abundant life.  He came to give us peace and joy.  Remember Him this Christmas.  When you make Him your focus, you will see His children rise up and share the gifts that are inside them that He has given them.  Share your gifts of laughter and joy.  Spread love in the little moments that make powerful impacts on people.  Never grow tired in doing good.  God promises that at the right time it will come back to you.

Though my shoulders are tense as I sit and right this tonight because I am carrying the weight of some stresses in life, I write to tell you that God is good.  Sometimes life is a whirlwind but if you can close your eyes and take a deep breath you can smell the sweet fragrances in the air.  If you open your heart, you will see all the good that is out in the world.  Hold on to the moments that may seem small but that make your eyes light up with joy.  I pray that happiness fills your soul today!  I pray that you take time for what matters most to you.  May your families be blessed this Christmas and in the years to come.  May Santa leave you some goodies.  May you be showered with love by the One who gave you the best gift of all.

Merry Christmas to you and your families!  You are loved!

Hope

Picture Perfect

As Thanksgiving approaches, we are all excited about stuffing our faces with turkey and getting to hang out with family.  It is a time of being thankful but it has also become the holiday that sets the stage for Christmas.  Is it just me?  Or does everyone seem to start setting up for Christmas earlier and earlier each year.  I absolutely love Christmas!  It is by far my favorite holiday and favorite time of year.  I love the colors, the smell of Christmas trees, fires burning and hot chocolate.  I love the meaning of Christmas.  It is the day that a Savior was born!  It is a time to be joyful and a time to give as we were given such a great gift.
During this time, I start preparing to send out my Christmas cards.  So, I have been running around for the past two weeks trying to find my tall and skinny kid a pair of blue jeans just so we can take a family picture for our Christmas cards this year.  I have yet to find anything that fits him and I refuse to have him in wind pants or shorts.  That would just defeat the whole ambiance that I am trying to create.  So what goes into the photograph that makes it just right, picture perfect?   That very question has me wondering just what lies behind the scenes of  the perfect picture. 
Anyone who has little ones, knows how difficult it is just to get just one picture where everyone is looking in the same direction.  I know over the years we have done everything to get our boys to cooperate.  The final product turns out fine but if you saw all the out takes you would laugh.  I have had Christian crying because we threated to spank him if he didn't smile.  I have had Bo crying because Christian hugged his neck too tight and caused him to choke.  Bryan has mooned both boys just to get them to smile.  Someone farts just in the middle of the count and then we have to start all over because everyone is laughing hysterically.  After several shots, we usually have a couple to choose from.  Everyone sees the picture and says how great everyone looks.  They don't know the struggle that is behind those perfect poses and those sparkling smiles.
When you look at someone's finished portrait, you may not know the struggles or the triumph's they have encountered.  There may be a loved one missing from that picture that has left a void in the family's life.  There may be scars from a surgery and wounds from battle that are covered nicely by clothes and makeup.  There may be pain in their body because they are sick but they are able to muster up enough energy for a picture.  There may be internal hurt because someone has betrayed them or because they haven't let go of past experiences.  And of course not every story is full of heart break.  Behind someone's smile might be the recent joy from the birth of a child.  Someone is beaming because they were just told they are healed of cancer.  A young man asked a girl to marry him and she said yes.  They may be smiling because they know what all God has brought them through and they are just glowing with thankfulness. 
Behind my picture is a whole life story.  My life is not perfect.  I have encountered sickness.  My smile is crooked now because of a wound that never fully healed.  I have broken relationships that have caused a void in my life.  I have missed God's voice and made several wrong decisions.  I have had to swallow my pride and admit that I am wrong.  I have lost loved ones that I miss a whole lot.  I have smiled when I don't feel like smiling.  And I have been hurt because no one asked me what was wrong.  I have had pity parties and invited only myself.  I have been discouraged because I feel like I am not using my gifts and talents the way I should be.  Maybe I am scared that I don't even possess those gifts and talents anymore.  But even with all of that said, there is so much good that comes with that smile.  Behind that smile, is a woman who genuinely cares about people.  I smile because I have two healthy boys who make me more proud to be their mom each and every day.  I smile because I have a husband who has my back and wants to be a better man even though I already think he is the best.  I smile because even though I interfere with God's plan for my life, He takes me where I am and puts me back on track.  He believes in what I am called to be and who He created me to be.  I smile because God reassures me that my gifts, talents and dreams are not dead.  I smile because I have a God that will get me through anything.  I smile because there is hope in Him.  Heaven is picture perfect to me!
So I challenge you as you are opening everyone's Christmas cards and seeing pictures of their families, remember that they have a story.  It may be a good story but I am sure it has some bumps and turns and twists.  You got their card because you are special to them.  Remember to ask them how they are doing.  Take time to pray for them and whatever they may be going through.  It may be all good. In that case take time to thank the Lord for blessing them and ask Him to continue to do so.  As you sit drinking hot chocolate in your home, opening cards, there may be someone in the hospital fighting for their life.  They need your prayers because they may not have the energy to pray for themselves.  As you sit and take your family picture, there may be someone just trying to hold their family together.  Be thankful for all that you have!  Take time for people.  We are all very busy and sometimes feel like we don't have an ounce of energy to give to anyone else.  But there will be moments when you may be all the energy they have.  Love people.  Don't love them just from a distance.  Put your arm around them and let them know that you care.  Christmas is all about Jesus who was born to save us all.  Jesus preached love and compassion.  He carried our burdens and told us to go out and change the world.  You may not be able to help everyone.  But you can make a difference in someone's life.  You could be a part of the smile that lights up their family picture.  You can help make it picture perfect.
I hope you all have a great holiday season with your family.  I encourage you to spread love through this wonderful and hectic time.  I pray your families keep smiling and keep sharing your life story.  Everyone has a story and everyone can make a difference.  I am glad you are a part of my story as you take time to read my random thoughts in this blog.  You humble me and I am thankful.

Below is some of our imperfect Christmas pictures over the years!

Because it's November and I am thankful!

Since it is November and we are well on our way to Thanksgiving, I was going to try and do a daily post on Facebook of what I am thankful for.  But I have already missed three days.  So I thought I would just sum it all up into one blog.  I have so many things to be thankful for that I am sure I won't be able to cover it all.  But as I write them all down, it does remind me that my life is truly blessed.

Let me start off by saying that I am thankful for the little things.  I love the things that make me smile like chocolate when I have a sweet tooth thing going on.  I love when my favorite songs come on the radio and cause me to sing at the top of my lungs and put my hands in the air and wave them like I just don't care.  I love when the sunshine is out, because it reminds me that there is warm ray of light that shines down in a dark and sometimes scary world.  A baby's giggle and toddlers beginning to talk make me smile.  I am thankful for lipstick because I don't leave home without it.  I am thankful for basketball gyms, and baseball and football fields because they give me a place to cheer my favorite people on at.  I am thankful for the people who hold the jobs that I would not want to do but are so vital to our way of living. I am thankful for teachers who deal with my kids all day long and then have to go home and be parents to their own.  I am thankful when Summer first hits so there is no more homework and then I am thankful when August rolls around because I get my routine back.  I could name so many more things but you get the drift.  I tend to always remember the big stuff and forget that there are so many little things that I am thankful for.

I am thankful for my family and friends.  I am thankful for my Dad who has taught me to work hard and to get your hands dirty.  He taught me how to mow a yard and how to catch a softball.  I am thankful for a mom who put her teenage life on hold to raise me and love me.  She always made me believe that I could do anything and is always in my corner.  I am thankful for the rest of my family who have filled my life with so many memories that will forever be in my thoughts.  I am thankful for friends who have been like a family to me.  They have brought me caramel apples and homemade food.  They have shuttled my kids around.  They have coached my kids.  They have fed them and cheered them on.  They have prayed for them.  I am thankful for the ones who cheer me up and the ones who shoot straight with me.  I am thankful for the ones who make me laugh so hard that I shed tears.  I am thankful for the ones who I can say something off the cuff with and yet they still love me.  I am thankful for the ones who defend me when I am not around.  Words can never be enough to describe how much my family and friends mean to me.

I thank God everyday for the two precious gifts He gave me in Christian and Bo.  I am thankful that I have a brown-skinned one like me and a light-skinned one like Bryan.  My point in saying that is not because the color matters.  I love it because it is a true representation of Bryan and I.  We are different but we fit and what comes out of it is beautiful in every way.  I am thankful for my oldest who has made me question my every move as a mother.  Being his mom has made me work on being the best mom that I can be.   He has caused me to pray more prayers than I have ever prayed in my life.  I am thankful for his uniqueness.  I am thankful that when it counts, he has listened to what we have taught him.  I am thankful he shows his character through his actions.  I am thankful he believes in prayer and knows the Lord.  I am also grateful that Bo came into our lives four years later.  We almost didn't have him.  And now, I couldn't imagine life without him.  I am thankful for his dimples and his smile.  I am thankful for his huge heart.  I am thankful we decided to name him Bo because who knew two letters put together would create such a great kid.  I am thankful I have two boys.  I do wish at times I had a girl so she could wear cute clothes but I am thankful for jerseys and tennis shoes too. Thank you God for entrusting me with the lives of these two amazing boys.

The Lord blessed me beyond measure when He brought Bryan into my life.  I am thankful for his humor and playful attitude.  He makes me smile.  He keeps me sane!  He can give me just a look and it lets me know that everything is going to be alright.  I am thankful that he has an opinion.  That may bite me in the behind though.  He is not scared to stand up for what is right no matter if he becomes the outcast.  I am thankful that he lets me be me.  He is complimentary and unselfish.  I am thankful for the father he is.  He spends a countless amount of time with the boys.  He plays video games and throws footballs and runs races and coaches and works hard.  I am thankful that he is a man of God. He is believer and he is a doer.  I am thankful that he hugs me and tells me he loves me every day.  I am thankful that God gave me a man who is everything a man should be.  His genuine spirit makes me want to be a better person.

And most of all, I couldn't have all of these things if I didn't have God in my life.  I am thankful that He gave His only son up to die for me so that I could have an abundant life and a promise of a future.  I am thankful that He loved me before I was even born.  He knew where I would be and what I would do and yet He still loved me.  I am thankful for every perfect gift that He has given me.  I am thankful that I can wake up each morning and know that He holds my every moment.  Thank you God for my health because without it I could not be a good mom to two very active boys.  Thank you for your promises of healing sweet Savior.  For in those promises, I know that my friends and family that are struggling with sickness have hope.  Thank you for loving me despite the ugliness that can fill my mind and my heart.  Thank you for hearing me when I pray even when it seems like it has been a long time.  I am glad you listen because I am praying for so many that need you right now.  I am so thankful that you saved me and that you are still walking through this life with me.  I am thankful that I get to be with you forever!

I hope that after reading this, you will see that there was no way I could fit all of this into a daily post.  I am thankful for each of you who read this.  I pray that each one of you would have so much more to be thankful for.  Thank you for being part of my extended family and for letting my words speak to you.  I hope this November is filled with an overwhelming amount of gratitude.  Life is good!  I am thankful!

The not so good side of me!

My goal in these blogs is to be inspiring.  I had to write this to get through some thoughts in my head.  I pray that in reading it you will see my heart through my transparency.

Have you ever had these thoughts? Where are all the good people? Where are all the loyal people? Where all the people who stand up for injustice? Where are all the people who look for me and wonder where I am at? Where are all the people who are praying for me?  Maybe it is just me but these things have been wandering through my head lately. I often wonder who are the people who genuinely care. Sometimes I feel like there are some who hug me in the front but when I walk away they secretly hope I trip and fall. They compliment my kids or my family and then secretly wish we would fail. They smile silently when I go through struggles in life. Very raw emotions, wouldn't you agree?  Sometimes I think it is just me being distrusting because I have been burned.  Or maybe I am being a little on the paranoid side.  I have found myself to be more guarded over the years because I want to protect my inner circle.
 So, lately I have been doing some soul searching. I have asked the Lord more and more each day to empty me of me and fill me with more of Him. The "me" that is inside can tend to be protective, defensive, and downright ugly. But everything in my spirit longs to be more positive and encouraging, more giving, more compassionate. I desire to be to be more like Christ. You see it is easy for me to encourage those who are easy to love. I can always be happy for someone that I know is genuinely happy for me. I can always entrust what is special to me, my children, to those I know truly love them.  But it is hard for me to be nice to the one I know talked about me last week.  It is hard for me to shout for joy when someone I think is selfish and uses people rises to the top.  It is absolutely gut wrenching to entrust my kids to people who I believe don't have honest agendas.  I know some of you may feel astonished by these words but I want to be real.  If we are honest with ourselves, we all have felt this way before.  But when I think about the Lord, I am reminded of His goodness to all.  His love has no boundaries. He doesn't have favorites.  The Lord set such a great example for us. He told us to pray for our enemies and love one another as ourselves.   He was gentle to even those he knew wanted to crucify Him.   He let a man walk, sleep and eat with Him whom he knew was going to betray Him.  I can't even imagine.  I would want to call that man out and justice to be served. 
But again, I am humbled when I think about the Lord and all of His ways.  For His ways are not our ways.  I just look at my ways sometimes and hang my head down and ask for forgiveness.  There are those times when I just want to call everyone out and make them admit their wrong ways.  But then I am convicted and have to turn the mirror on myself.  I can change me.  I haven't been the best person.  I have let many people down in my life.  There are friends I keep trying to meet up with and just can't seem to find the time to do it.   There are needs I have forgotten to pray for because I got too busy.  I have forgotten birthdays.  I have gotten caught up in drama and have opened my mouth when I shouldn't have.  I have lost people in my life who I miss and think about often.  Saying I am sorry hasn't always been easy for me.   My thoughts are not always pure. What I am trying to say is that I am a work in progress.  God is constantly having to work in me so that I can put out the good stuff.   I have prayed so many prayers for God to make me more like Him.  I have even asked that He just erase what is inside of me and just start all over.   But I am reminded that He created me in His image. He doesn't create ugly.   He refines me.  He purifies me.   He gives me enough love to fill my soul till it overflows and pours out onto others.
I still believe in people.   My passion is people.   I desire relationship.   I love to see people smile and encouraged!  I have a hard time letting someone go once they have come into my life.   I love going through the different stages of life with people.   Nothing is better than experiencing babies being born, vows being said, degrees being earned, championships being won with the ones you hold close to you.  I feel people's burdens.  I do pray for them.  If you could be a fly on the wall during my prayer time you would probably laugh.  I put it all out there.  I throw tantrums and act like a 2 year old sometimes during that prayer time.  But when I am done, I am comforted to know there is still a Father who loves me like a daughter.  He disciplines me when I act like a baby.  He talks to me like a friend.
This is not the best side of me and a side that I share with caution.  I am an average, everyday woman who seeks to be made whole by the only One who truly understands me from the inside out.  When I want to give up on people I remember that God didn't give up on me.  He blesses me with the relationships I have that are built on honesty, graciousness and love.  Thank you God for mercy because I sure need it.  Have mercy on the part of me that isn't so good.  Thank you sweet Lord that in You all things are made new.

They Are Watching

For those of you who know me, you know that I always question myself as a mom.  I always wonder if I am making the right decisions.  I am constantly seeking wisdom on decisions regarding my kids.  Sometimes when I choose to show tough love, I realize I should have reacted with gentleness.  Other times, I have been soft and figure out that I should have used the belt.  For these reasons, I usually try to not be so judging of other parents.  We all make mistakes and we all share guilt at times.  Some of us get "mother of the year" awards at times.  Others get "I barely made it through another day" awards.  None of us are perfect but in the end God chose each one of us to be the parent of our kids. 

Sometimes my kids will do things that make me fear that they will pick up some of my worst qualities.  And other times like today I think maybe Bryan and I aren't doing so bad.
I am sure you have all experienced those awkward times with your kids when they have imitated you at just the right second.  I remember Christian being impatient and vocal at a restaurant because our food didn't come fast enough.  I just had to look at Bryan because he has acted that way before.  As a parent all you can do is correct them all while giving your own self a punch in the gut.  I always have the habit of telling my kids to hold on in a very loud and frustrated tone.  And it embarrassed me to hear my oldest tell his brother those same words in a very loud voice.  I just kept thinking "Oh my! Is that how I sound?"  The truth is that they watch our every move and they hear our every spoken word.  They watch our actions and how we treat others.  So I have to ask myself just what am I instilling in my kids?

I sometimes wonder if they will end up with my stubbornness or my lack of patience.  Will they end up with my insecurities?  Will they see my faults as a mother and grow up thinking I failed them?  Will they ever know how much I love them and how much I will fight for them?  Will they ever know how many tears I have cried in prayer as I pressed in for them and for their futures?  Am I teaching them how to be strong men with gentle spirits?  I have so many questions.  But I am reminded in little God moments that I am never alone.  I keep serving my boys while keeping my convictions.  I still do many things for them.  My reasoning for this is that I want them to see how a woman should take care of the special men in her life.  But they also get to see how their Dad loves me and always puts me and them first.  I hope that they see our home as a place filled with love where each person matters and selflessly gives of themselves.  It is daily work in progress. 

We aren't the perfect family.  Our home is never spotless.  Balls are always bouncing in the house.  The corners of our walls have fingerprints on them.  Boy noises are made all day and all night long.  Toilet seat lids still get left up every once in a while.  We hardly ever eat at the kitchen table but we always eat together.  We play music and I mean all kinds of music.  We dance and we sing.  We pray every night together and everyone is comfortable in bringing the needs of others into our family prayer time.  We have many friends going through many things and I am confident in saying that the Rhodes family is praying for you.  We don't just say it lightly.  We are truly praying.  Today at church Bo had his hand on my back for almost the whole service.  As I would lift my hands in worship I would look down and see him staring at me.  He is watching me, watching every move I make.  We got up to take communion and I leaned over to my boys to tell them to not forget a few friends of ours in their prayers.  They both said they had already turned in prayer cards for them.  My heart was smiling.  As we took communion and prayed, I was brought to tears.  Actually, I think I cry every time I take communion.  I am such a baby!  In the midst of my tears, I heard someone sniffling beside me this time.  It was Bo.  He was crying too.  His eyes were filled with tears and he was rubbing my back.  I don't know what moved my precious boy but it was such a wonderful sight.  If you have read my previous blogs, you know that I love "moments."  At that moment my heart was filled with such peace.  I just know that my boys are going to be alright. 

They will have trials and they are going to walk through some valleys.  But I know that they know the One who has the answers and who holds the world in the palm of His hands.  I know they believe in the power of prayer and I know they have compassion for others.  Aren't those the two greatest commandments?  "Love the Lord with all you heart, soul and mind and love others as yourself."  There will be times when the world comes against them and people will say unkind things about them.  There will be times when the enemy comes to steal their joy.  There will be times that they question their faith and question who they are and what their purpose is.  But I hope they will always remember watching their momma with a hand raised high and another hand on their back praising the Lord for who He called them to be.

Jeremiah 1:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Three Little Words

So all of you who read my blogs know that I have a 7th grader now.  He has gone through a lot of changes over the last several months.  He actually is quite easy to deal with right now.  He talks more maturely and of course his physical appearance has changed.  I have even seen him come out of his shell in the last year and have really enjoyed his playful personality.   Affection is a hit or miss thing with him.  He is not one to give me a hug out of the blue.  I have to initiate it and it is usually a side hug.  But he has always told me he loves me.  Most of the times he is just responding because I said it first, but nonetheless, he still says it.  I love you.  These are three simple words that hold such a huge meaning.  So naturally, hearing these words every day make me happy and content, but I didn't realize how much I take those words for granted until Christian stopped saying them.

We are in the 3rd week of school now, and since schedules have changed, I have been able to take Christian in to school each morning.  It is a short ride but we usually listen to music and talk about school or football.  Sometimes it's a silent ride if one of us is tired.  I began to notice that I would say "I love you" before he got out of the car and he would not respond.  He grabbed his lunch and his backpack and just walked into that Middle School building without looking back.  His body language did not seem disrespectful but he just left.  The first day it happened, I thought maybe he just didn't hear me or it was first day jitters.  But it happened the next day and the next and the next.  I talked to Bryan about it and first thing he asked is if anyone was around.  Bryan thought maybe he doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of  his friends.  But this was in the car before he even got out.  I chose to not confront him about it and to just keep my hurt feelings to myself.  Christian has always been buds with Bryan.  Bryan can sit and talk to him at bed time and Christian will just tell him stuff about his day.  And I get one word answers.  All those emotions began to flood in my spirit.  So I started pouting about it to myself.  I thought to myself, "Does that boy know how much I believe in him, how much I pray for him?"  Does that boy know I still wash his clothes and make his lunch?  Oh poor pitiful me!  I have to admit the pity party is self satisfying but only for a short time.

But even after all of that, I still hid my hurt.  Then it happened.  Today, September 20 at approximately 7:05 he told me he loved me.  And it was before I said it.  I was trying to keep it together as I simply responded "I love you too."  I did my best to play it so cool.  So needless to say I was on cloud nine.  I couldn't stop smiling on the way to work.  I put my praise music on and began to pray.  This is how my prayer sounded, "Lord thank you for Christian telling me he loves me.  Lord I hope he realizes how much I love him and how much he means to me..."  I suddenly stopped and was silent for a moment.  It hit me.  Tears came to my eyes and I asked for forgiveness.
How many times have I forgotten to tell the Lord I love Him?  How many times have I been ungrateful?  Here I was expecting a 12 year old to wrap his brain around all that I do for him and how much I love him.  And yet I am 35 and forget how much the Lord does for me.  He has blessed me with so much even though I fail Him daily.  He tells me He loves me everyday but sometimes I am so busy that I forget to hear His still small voice.  He is proud of me but not based on my performance.  He loves me just because I am His.  He gives me clothes on my back, a roof over my head and a feast to fill my belly with.  And yet I forget to pause and say thank you and I love you.  God must have a pity party every second, right?  But He doesn't because He understands our burdens and His grace follow us, and He forgives our sins as far as the East is from the West.

So even though I want to hear those three little words all the time from my 7th grade boy, I know to cherish the moments he says it even more.  I will hold those moments close to my heart.  Maybe something clicked in Christian's mind today.  Maybe he had a moment of compassion for me.  Whatever the reason, God's timing is perfect.  He knows just how to get to my heart.  Even if it was a brief moment of one rainy morning, my heart is full.  If I am ecstatic about those three words then I can only imagine the Lord smiling when I take the time to tell Him...
"I love you Lord, and I lift my voice to worship you.  Oh my, soul, rejoice.  Take joy my King in what you hear.  May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear."

http://youtu.be/SYV0ce3ybEA

A little bit of Johnny. A whole lot of Humility.

I know I am a little late on this topic but I have been thinking a lot lately about this Johnny Manziel issue. First let me say that I don't know all of the facts, so die hard Aggies please don't bite my head off. I can tell you that this topic has made me think a lot lately about humility.  I feel this world could use a little more of it right now.   Humility is defined as the "quality of being modest or respectful."  Humility is hard enough for adults to get much less a college kid who is at the top of his game. Let's be real, we have all gotten caught up in our own abilities. In the same respect, we have all been knocked off of our high horse at some point or another. Getting knocked down doesn't mean we are out of the race. It just gives us a moment to dust ourselves off, take a deep breath, get back on the saddle and hopefully readjust our attitude and strategy.  Sure Manziel obviously has some things going on in his life.  In my eyes, I see a young man who is in the spotlight and may be caught up in the moment.  But he is also a young man with loads of talent who is still in the game and hopefully will come out a changed person through all of this.  In all honesty, who doesn't like a little spotlight from time to time?  Who doesn't enjoy being complimented?  What college kid hasn't acted irresponsibly at times?

I think success is great!  We all want to achieve certain goals whether it be a promotion on a job or holding a high position in a certain club or sport.  We all have our own definition of success.  I believe striving for those things is great.  It can be personally rewarding when your drive and passion get you to the next level.  The problem comes in when you step on people to get where you want to be, or you get caught up in your own glory.  You find yourself developing the "I" attitude.  You start becoming bigger than your own shoes.  I always ask the Lord for promotion but I also ask him to give it to me when the time is right and when I am ready to handle it.  I have had those moments when I have gotten caught up in positions and titles and started to look at all "I" had done.  Instead I should have been relying on God to place me where He wants me to be. That is tough to admit and maybe that is a pride issue, but it is the absolute truth.  I have found that when I think I know it all, I leave no room for the plans God has for me.  But in the times I have been patient and asked the Lord to bless the gifts and talents he equipped me with, I have been way more successful. 

I have said before that one of my regular prayers has always been that my kids would be successful by the Lord's standards and not by the world's standards.  Sometimes that it hard to understand.  You sometimes might find yourself in a place that everyone else may think is second best when indeed you are right where you need to be for God to do some amazing things in your life.  The world doesn't see the big picture but God does.  Hold on to His promises.  Jeremiah 29:11 reads " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Prosperity may look different for all of us but the good thing is that God doesn't have favorites.  He plans to prosper all of His children.

I do believe that success is easier to handle if you exemplify humility.  You realize that your success came from more people than just you.  God equipped you.  And just maybe someone opened a door for you, someone took a chance on you, someone fought for you, or someone believed in you.  Manziel didn't get where he is at today without dedicated parents, committed teachers, devoted coaches and self-discipline.  Is he caught up in the moment?  That is a matter of opinion.  Some will say yes that he is a over-indulged, cocky kid whose head has swollen up twice the size of his body.  Others will say he is a normal college athlete playing his game to the best of his ability and a little trash talking on the field is nothing to be crucified over.  However you look at it, a little dose of humility can go a long way.

If he were my son I would probably knock him upside the head and bring him back down to reality.  I would tell him to practice a little modesty while his life is being lived out in front of millions.  I would tell him to humble himself before the Lord and let the Lord bring justice to the situation.  But I would defend my son to the world.  I would protect him from anyone who would cause him harm.  I would tell him that I am on his side.  If he was wrong I would tell him and ask him to make it right.  But I would be in his corner because that is what a mom and father is suppose to do.  I would tell Him that God isn't finished with him yet and that He has a purpose.  I would tell my son to get back on that field with a whole lot of humility and a heck of a lot of God's grace.

We will see more of Johnny's life unfold, I am sure.  I hope there is more good than bad to come out of this.  I am so thankful that when we mess up that God doesn't let it end there.  I am thankful for the valleys I have seen because they make the mountains all that more breathtaking.  I give God all the credit for my promotions and thank Him for helping me understand the times I was "overlooked." I am thankful that I can rejoice when I get the trophy.  But I can also smile when I get second place because I know I left it all out on the field.   My paths haven't always been straight but it is refreshing to know that I can get back on the path with fresh eyes and an open heart to learn from my mistakes.  And never do I walk my path alone.  God sends people along the way to walk with me and He sends those who will be in my corner no matter what I face.  God is also on my path leading and guiding my footsteps.  I hope that myself and my boys will go through life with humble spirits so that we can take on the challenges life can bring and have faith that God has a perfect time for every advancement.
 

1 Peter 5:5-6
You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,